You know how you can fix anything with either some WD-40 or some duct tape? Today, we’re going to talk about some other things that need duct tape, like some of those voices in our heads. I make jokes all the time about the voices in my head because I work by myself (me and…you guessed it…the voices in my head.) We all have them; they guide our intuition, gut checks, and decision-making. But some of them are just mean. Like…they’re nasty little b*****. They need… Duct Tape!
When men age, they’re “distinguished,” and we gals just think we look old. Because that’s what society tells us we look like. Sounds like we need to quit caring What Society Thinks and concentrate on what our dogs think. Because if we strive to be the people our dogs THINK we are? Now that’s a success in life, right? If your dog doesn’t like you, it’s time for some self-reflection here.
Very few people, including me, love getting their pictures taken or the thought of sitting in a studio, under lights that flash until you’re half-blind. Wouldn’t we all rather be in the dentist’s office? Even better…let’s all go get a pap smear, shall we?
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do I look in the mirror and see a busted can of biscuits instead of a fabulous vessel that carried three babies?
Social media…everyone posts their A-game with the Snapchat filters. And I’ll just apologize now because I’m the blunt friend… Snapchat filters are stupid. It’s fun for kids and teens and just for being funny, but when are you using those filters to look younger or better?? Ummmm…can I help you with that? People are sniffing you out online before they meet you…that headshot makes every difference. We all need to look like the professionals we are—no matter what’s happened in our lives, or what we weigh, or whether the dog threw up on your shoes this morning.
No matter how you feel about yourself, you really are SO worth the investment. No really! I see some of you shaking your heads out there. You ARE worth it. Don’t worry about your weight, or those bags under your eyes, or how many chins you think you have. Other people perceive us differently than we perceive ourselves. No really. The things you worry about, other people don’t notice. They see YOU and what they like about you and how they feel when they’re around you. That’s what counts. I’ll help you with the rest of it.
Remember when we were all in 7th grade and we’d break out with these enormous zits? We just knew that everyone was looking at them, right? Wrong. All those other 7th graders were worried about their own zits and not even noticing yours. Same principle with portraits.
Someone else’s amateur phone pic just doesn’t convey the professional you are. Come see me—as a professional photographer, I know how to pose and light YOU so you look YOUR best. Our differences make us each beautiful. If you see 10 ladies who look exactly alike…what do you start looking for? Anyone? Anyone? Differences. And that’s where a great headshot comes in. Let’s enhance your best features and your confidence and minimize (not eliminate) what bothers you. There’s how other people perceive us, and how we perceive ourselves. Ginormous differences here.
Let’s talk about Photoshop. It’s. Not. Cheating. I got news for ya…all those perfect Sports Illustrated swimsuit models? They have razor burn just like the rest of us. I’m not sitting in my studio cranking out Dream Date Barbies and Kens here. My goal is to lift up the very best version of YOU. As. You. Are. And this is where A.I. gets kind of dangerous folks—things that look too perfect, are a bit weird, right? Sure, we’re not perfect, but we are each perfect in God’s opinion. Why. Is. That. Never. Good. Enough?
And to be clear, I don’t enhance clients’ appearances because I think they need it. I enhance this because clients feel better about themselves. See the difference here? Think about it from your client’s perspective—they’re scared to death of YOUR process—whatever it is—real estate, bank loan, investment accounts, insurance, attorneys, all of it. All the forms to fill out to pre-qualify THIS and document THAT, and really, it’s just all an exercise to answer ONE simple question: “Do I Measure Up?”
Do you feel judged? Because we photographers photograph all sorts of people, and there are lights and cameras and wind, and we’re in a glamorous industry, right?
I’ve got news for you. Your girl here has worked in a chicken factory, photographing holding tanks for the company that built them. We’re talking feet, beaks, and feathers everywhere because this wasn’t the Perdue side of the factory but the dog food side. Then there’s the product photography for the company that makes deer bait. Do you know that stuff that hunters wipe on themselves to attract deer? Do you know what that sh** is made from? Any guesses? That would be urine, folks…that’s right. Deer Pee. Soooo…if you’re worried about whether you look good? I’m here to tell you—you’re fabulous. People are always more fun to work with than things.
“My pictures don’t look like me.”
You’re right. Technically, they don’t. And there’s a scientific reason why. We look in the mirror every day, and what do we see? Two words. Anyone? Mirror Image. That’s right, folks, we see ourselves BACKWARDS every single day in the mirror. When we see camera images of ourselves, they’re not backwards. (Ok, selfies sometimes, but don’t get me started on that.) No face is completely symmetrical, so what you see on a computer screen reviewing head shots really ISN’T what you see in the mirror. Also, we see each other in person in three dimensions. The camera flattens it to 2 dimensions, and it changes things slightly. I have a lazy eye that shows up in pictures when I don’t smile for exactly that reason.
I’ve had some folks who are so averse to the process that they pick their favorite by saying, “I hate this one less”. Granted, I’d love it if all my clients absolutely loved every portrait I produced. But a few folks just aren’t wired that way, and I believe in meeting people where they are. In today’s world, where images are filtered, collected, and posted instantly, the simple act of being in a photograph has become emotionally loaded, especially for women. It’s not just about capturing a moment anymore. It’s about being judged, compared, and often found lacking by impossible standards that honestly are only in our heads.
Here are a couple of items to think about.
– Your thoughts of self-doubt don’t define your reality. They are feelings, not facts. Let me say that again. Your. Thoughts. Of. Self-Doubt. Don’t. Define. Your. Reality. It’s merely how you feel at THAT moment.
– Focus on positive self-talk, not negative. Replace that self-doubt with some grace. Yes, I have a busted can of biscuits here, but hey, I carried three babies to term. Do I look different from how I did in my 20s? You betcha. Would I trade my kids for that slim 20-something gal? Hell no. (Ok, there were days…but most days, hell no.)
– Track your success over the years—achievements, awards, positive feedback, promotions, family events, etc. Keep an “Attagirl” folder or bulletin board for pictures, notes, and letters.
– Avoid comparing yourself to others. It’s ok to know our strengths and weaknesses, and how to either enhance or avoid. You. Bring. Value. Unique experiences, no one else interprets the way you do. Congratulations, you’re different! This is how we set ourselves apart. If we’re always working towards improvement, that is always enough.
– Self-doubt doesn’t disappear overnight, but once we start training ourselves to recognize, reframe, or duct tape, we can make it disappear. That makes us authentic–not imposters. Big difference!
The truth is that our self-worth has never lived in pixels or poses. It lives in our laughter, love, wisdom, and presence. The more we recognize that fear of judgment and tamp it down, the more we can reclaim our joy in being seen not just in photos, but in life.